|
|
 |
Menu
|
| |
| Cement Is Here
I've got three words for you. Free range chickens. OK, here are several more words.
It's a concept designed to keep chickens out of chicken coops. The poultry, now
free to mingle with the rest of society, are showing up at chiropractic clinics,
banjo repair shops, select theaters near you and so on. This isn't really helping to produce
more mirrors with the 'Caution: objects are closer than they appear' imprinting, so what's the point?
Well, the point is precisely this: the chickens will have reduced anxiety levels through this interaction
while simultaneously producing more smoldering waste out in the open air where everyone can
participate in the aroma. Get it? What's more, they will be allowed to sign out huge trucks from the motor
pool and drive over your lawn while you're asleep!
And now, a brief interlude:
Me: "Hello?"
Unfortunate Man Who Dialed The Wrong Number: "Is this Samuel?"
Me: "If you have to ask, does it seem very likely?"
UMWDTWN: "Wow, you sound just like..."
Me: "Yeah, it's me. What do you want?"
UMWDTWN: "Hey Sam, uhh, is Jodi there?"
Me: "What do you mean 'there?' I'm freakin' invisible!"
UMWDTWN: "Err... uhh"
Me: "I'm sorry, you have the wrong number."
UMWDTWN: "I thought, umm..."
Me: "I have lots of cardboard in my hamper..."
It seems to me that if the chickens were that aware of their surroundings, they would be much
more nervous about the group of Benedictine Monks that were going to beat them to death with axe handles later on.
Juan, the bookstore vegetarian, is very angry. Why, just yesterday a
man stopped on the street and stared directly at my chin for several full seconds before removing
a pen from his shirt pocket. All the more reason for us to stock up on carrots and brick mortar immediately.
I mean, the sooner we stop running around yelling "Wow, that is tangy!" and blowing roosters off the front
porch with the fire hose, the better off we'll be. Right? Eh?
The seven key points to remember are:
- When does the bus leave?
- Once a raccoon finds a mate during the spring convention, he will be more likely to shoplift some items from the sporting goods department.
- Leo Tolstoy was the ex police officer who danced for aging squirrels in 'Gone With the Wind'.
|
|
|
